What it means to be a mother...

I am now 34 weeks pregnant but back in week 33 we celebrated Mother's Day. I bought my mom and my mother in law presents and cards for my grandmothers but never gave a thought about the possibility of someone giving me presents. After all, I am a Mother-to-Be, not a mother per se, so it was a pleasant surprise to get a couple of gifts and tons of congratulations on my First Mother's Day!

However, something called my attention more than the congratulations and the gifts...

Someone on Facebook wrote:

To be a Mother is to understand that she is a mother before being a woman.

A man wrote this. I was, and still am, in shock.

Why?

Because I don't share that belief. I was not taught to share that belief. My mother is an excellent one, and I love her with all of my heart and she did NOT, even for a second, stop being a wonderful wife to my father and an incredible mom to my sister and me. She had mom time and she had wife time. She would sit down with my sister and me and chat about whatever we wanted to chat about, and then she would listen just as intently to my father talk about his day.

And my mom is not a stay-at-home mom, she is a Doctor and has a very successful practice. So its not like she had the ENTIRE day to dedicate to the three of us, she had few precious hours that she divided among us. I would often wonder how she kept her sanity, but she always tells me that my father, my sister and I are not just her family, but her best friends as well and while she was always listening to us, we too were always listening to her. So she was, and is, well taken care of.

During the weekends, my mom would leave us with my grandmother and had date nights with my dad. I loved the weekends because it was my special time with my grandparents, which loved us, spoiled us and disciplined us a lot! It was also a chance to change from the normal atmosphere at home and be at a more country place. I loved it, and so did my sister. And it gave a chance to my mom and dad to spend time together being just them: not mom and dad but just the two of them. I didn't really understand it then, but I didn't have to, nor really cared: I was having fun, I was being taken care of by two of the people I love the most... 

My mother also knew when an activity was appropriate for my sister and me to be in attendance or not. She was never the mother that goes NOWHERE unless her offspring can come with her. Why? Because there are simply some activities that are not meant for children. She never took my sister and I to Baby Showers when we were little because there was nothing for us to do there. We might have simply become a nuisance out of sheer boredom. She took us to some weddings, when they were earlier in the day, but she and my dad always went alone to evening weddings, because, really... what do young children do in evening weddings? They get cranky, they are tired... its no fun for them, so they become unbearable for the adults too. There is a time and a place for everything and my mother never encouraged me and my sister to grow up quicker than we had to. She took us to age appropriate places and shows, and invited us to join in when a conversation was appropriate for us, and disciplined us when we wanted to give an opinion on matters that were clearly for adults only.

Because of this, we were easy children to take care of. People loved us because we were so well adjusted and behaved. We were never the "unruly" kids that didn't know how to behave themselves in situations, we were the "Doctor's Daughters" who were always polite, always smiling and happy. Because we truly were. And we truly are.

My mother NEVER stopped being a wife because she was a WIFE before she became a MOTHER. She didn't make us alone, my dad is an essential part of us just as any father is an essential part of any baby. Mom and dad, whether married or not, make a baby. That much is obvious. 

So why in the world are women expected to stop being women, wives and girlfriends to become solely mothers?!

Yes, children require tons of attention. Yes, some husbands or boyfriends are unbearable but if the latter is your case, then why be with a man like that in the first place? If you have a caring and loving husband or boyfriend, why should he take second or even third place to your offspring when, if you really think about it, you wouldn't be a mother if it wasn't for them?

To me, being a mother is understanding how to create balance in your life. A balance between my husband, my unborn baby, our family and just me. A balance between home, work and Church. There are a lot of things to juggle, but my mom did them all perfectly which makes me feel assured that everything IS possible as long as I am willing to commit to it. 

I DO NOT want to stop being a wife to my husband. 

I WILL be an excellent mom to my baby and he will feel my love every day.

I DO NOT believe that being a mother means that I should stop being a woman first.

I WILL be strong, and I WILL create a balance in my life.

I DO believe this is all possible.

What do YOU believe?

Anxiously waiting for my baby to be born...

M.

32 weeks and counting... SURPRISE Baby Shower!

It.was.awesome!

First things first, though... today I am actually feeling a little under the weather. But it has perfectly good explanations:

1. I am tired. Every night I sleep a little less because my Julian seems to think he is playing a soccer game inside the womb. I love every single kick and punch but it makes it kinda hard to sleep. On top of that, I have to go to the bathroom more often and getting up from the bed is not getting any easier. I am not complaining, though, I take it all in stride because, really... I am in love with my baby! Also, this weekend was very action packed and I rested very little during the day which is taking its toll... My feet are starting to swell slightly. But I'm told that's a good sign so I'm happy!

2. I am extremely disappointed at a so-called friend. Has it ever happened to you that you write a cute birthday message on a friend's Facebook wall only to discover that said "friend" deleted what you wrote? For no apparent reason? It feels like crap and it really hurt my feelings. Since I am feeling a bit hormonal I proceeded to delete said "friend". Is it any wonder I have trouble trusting people outside of my family? When I try to open myself to new friends outside of family something always happens. I am a busy, and often opinionated person. It seems some people can't handle that. *shrugs*

Oh, and before you tell me I'm overreacting let me tell you this: my "friend's" behavior has been sketchy for awhile and though I've tried to speak to him he acts as if nothing is wrong then proceeds to ignore me. So the friendship is really over, for whatever reason. Oh well...

Back to pregnancy issues!

These past weeks have gone by in a blur! I've been working, helping out in Church (Holy Week), helping out my parents in their business, prepping Julian's room (there is still a lot to do!) and watching amazed as my body changes bit by bit every day. Julian likes to move a lot, which is reassuring to me, and I know I will miss that once he is born.

Something really interesting happened on my last OBGYN visit, though. My doctor likes to check on the baby's heartbeat and contractions to see if everything is going smoothly. Everything IS going smoothly, but apparently my baby doesn't like loud noises, and the machine amplified his heartbeats by a ton. He started kicking violently, my stomach looked like it was made out of water it was moving so much! My husband was shocked at how visible the kicks were and I was getting a bit anxious because his heartbeat picked up as well. So I started caressing my tummy and speaking to him. Little by little, apparently soothed by the sound of my voice, he started to calm down until his heartbeat settled down into a normal beating, almost as if he was asleep. It was so touching to be able to actually hear how the sound of my voice calms him down! My husband was in awe... it was so beautiful!

Now... to the Baby Shower!

Last weekend my dad informed me that we'd be going to visit some relatives in Aibonito. He didn't ask me if I could he just informed me that I would be going there. I didn't mind, I love going there. And he told me one of my cousins who lives in the States was coming down so I was even more excited! I expected a lot of tummy touching and funny stories, but nothing else. It was a normal visit. So much so that I was planning to take along a comic book just in case I got tired and wanted to lie down to read.

So... we get to my aunt's place. I see decorations and what looks like cupcakes on pedestals and I immediately thought: "It's someone's birthday! Awesome!"

Yeah, I'm that naive!

Then I look at the sign: "BABY SHOWER!"

And my brilliant reaction: "Uh... is this for me?!"

My family's (including my husband's) reaction: "LMAO! Of course! We kept a secret from you! Who else in the family is pregnant?!"

And my other amazingly brilliant reaction: "There really is no other cousin pregnant?! It's really for me?!"

More laughter. Hugs, kisses, tummy caressing and well wishes! Pictures, food, games... My cousin Lilly prepared a beautiful introduction to the shower which she later gave to me and I loved! We cried, we laughed (again!) and we thanked the Lord for giving us such a beautiful day and such a beautiful baby to celebrate! We truly are blessed!

So this Baby Shower was hosted by my aunts and cousins. And I say "this" baby shower because my mom is hosting another one in about a month, but me and my husband are actually planning this one with her. I can tell you right now: it won't be as beautiful as my first one! I don't have that kind of talent and since it was a surprise... well its incredibly special! We'll have fun on the second one as well, you can be sure of that! We sent out most of the invitations already and I really hope some people understand that I can't invite EVERYONE I know, so I'm limiting the list to the people that are around me the most and have been watching over me the most during this amazing time in my life.

It's going to be great. And my First Baby Shower was amazing. It feels so incredible, I feel SO blessed and honored to know that my baby will be loved so much. I couldn't ask for more...

Thank you Lord!

M.

Baby Showers and Etiquette... Say WHAT?!

24 weeks and counting! 

Things are getting pretty exciting! My baby (tentatively named Julian, unless someone comes up with a better name, which I doubt) is pretty lively (except today, it seems yesterday he got a little carried away with the kicking and today he's been pretty mellow... don't like that!) and growing up well, thank God.

Of course, with time going by so quickly my husband and I started thinking about Baby Showers. Now, I've never had a baby before, and I've never really paid attention to who throws the shower. One of my friends, Jenn and I went out to celebrate her birthday and she told me that I was not supposed to throw my own shower. I am sure she laughed internally at my "huh?!" expression. She offered to do it for me (which I am super grateful for), but I told her I'd rather use her help setting up a list of items I'll need for Julian. But that conversation got me thinking: who is supposed to throw the baby shower?!

I logged on to BabyCenter and found this thread. As I sifted through some answers I came to realize how controversial this is in the United States and yet, not so much in Puerto Rico. You see, in Puerto Rico we don't really need an excuse to party so whenever we DO have an excuse we take it. It doesn't really matter to us WHO threw the party or whether or not we have to bring gifts as long as we get to eat, drink, dance and have a wonderful time. So it is not an issue of etiquette here. In the states, it sort of is. In fact, it is considered "tacky" to throw yourself a Baby Shower because, when it boils down to the nitty gritty, a Baby Shower is to get gifts for the baby.

Personally, I don't really understand what all the fuss is about. I am about to become a new parent (if all goes well), and I've brought countless presents for other friends for their Baby Showers and it has never crossed my mind that it is tacky that she is getting presents for her baby. Why would it be? Why should I think that a person is "thoughtless" for "bringing a baby into the world and expecting presents?". Maybe the truth is, I want to throw a Baby Shower but I don't care if I get all the presents on my list. And the only reason I am making a Baby Registry is because it made MY life so much easier when I had to buy presents for a Baby Shower and it came from a pre-chosen registry! Whether I get presents or not is completely irrelevant (although, who DOESN'T like a present?!), all I want is for people to come in and share this amazing life experience I am going through. 

I want people to love my baby now, before he is born, and that they will continue to love him forever. I want them to live this experience with me, to touch my belly, say a prayer and wish beautiful things for him. All I want is to be surrounded by friends and family that love us and are there with us always. Some of our friends have been with my husband and me during our courtship, they attended our wedding, they are with us during my pregnancy and I want them to experience my baby with me. Whoever throws the shower shouldn't really matter in the end.

So to make things simple, I am making it a cooperative event. 

What is that?

Simple. My mom is planning some things. My mother in law will be planning others. My sister in law will help with invites. I'm asking my friend Elaine with help with decorations (she is AMAZING!) and Jenn will come with me to help me with the Baby Registry and all those details I know nothing about. A lot of people will be helping in lots of different ways... and you know what? It sounds like a heck of a good time already!

Can't hardly wait for Julian to get here!

Mariel

Week 23 - Baby Kicks!

You're probably wondering why I posted a "Week 19" blog a couple of days ago and now I'm in Week 23. Here's the thing: I had posted the Week 19 on another website weeks ago, but it was such a pain (you had to give people a password and stuff to read it) that I just re-posted it here. So in reality... Week 23 is here!

How do I feel? Hmm... hard to describe really. My baby is moving like crazy most of the time (although he is calm now... as he should be after kicking up a storm yesterday!). His movements are not painful, they are not annoying either, but they are strange. If you've been pregnant before you'll know what I mean. Picture this: you're lying on your side watching a movie or something and all of a sudden you feel light punches, kicks and movement coming from inside your body. You know it's not your organs moving in there, it is a whole other person. That's when it really dawns on you: it is really not only you inhabiting this body, you share it with a tiny living person. And in my case, the person sharing my body is not even my same sex! Talk about a life changing experience!

Other changes: I now, officially, cannot hide the fact that I'm pregnant. In fact, I kinda look like an egg! LOL! One night I went to sleep looking pretty much normal and I woke up with a bigger tummy! And not only that, I now weight 4 lbs more than I did before becoming pregnant. My doctor (and everyone else, really) tells me that 4lbs is a very insignificant weight gain at 23 weeks, especially since my baby weights 1 lbs himself, without counting the placenta and the amniotic liquid. I understand this, but I've had weight problems all my life so gaining weight for me is never a good thing. My husband has been a tremendous help in getting me to understand that I will gain weight no matter what because the baby will continue to grow. I'm starting to get it through my thick skull but don't worry: I'm eating healthy and as often as I should so that the baby gets all the nutrients he need! He is my priority!

Another funny change: my baby doesn't really dig loud music or sounds. I thought maybe I was being a little bit hormonal but on the last parties I've attended, the loud music kind of upsets me and my baby starts kicking even more than usual. I usually ask for the music to be lowered down just a tad or I simply leave early (I'm not much of a party person anyway) and when I'm back in a calm and quiet environment, my baby becomes calmer as well. He likes certain music from what I can tell, and he gets calm when I sing to him, but loud music and sounds... not so much. 

Oops, there's a kick! LOL! I wish I could see what he was doing right now!

Time to lie down a bit, I have to go out soon and I know I'll tire easily so I want to rest before we go!

Thanks for taking this journey with us!

Mariel

PS. The only name on the table right now for our baby is JULIAN! We are open to suggestions though (or rather my husband is...) so if you want to give us ideas, write to me on my FB or post a comment right here! My hubby, my baby and I thank you!

Week 19 - Feeling Blessed

For the longest time I've wondered what it would feel like to be pregnant. 

Would I be sick often? Would I be overjoyed or scared? Would my family be happy? Will everyone love my baby? How does it feel to have a life forming inside of oneself?

A couple of months ago I started feeling a bit strange... craving apple pies (which I hated, and still do, actually) should have been an indicator that it wasn't just me inhabiting this body anymore. Still, I resisted to a pregnancy test. I've had a few pregnancy "scares" in the past year and every time the test came back negative I felt a bit of hope leaving me. I know having a baby is not as exact a science as some would think. It is really quite complicated: you have about TWO days in which you are at a prime to get pregnant. Your weight and stress levels have a lot to do with how quickly to get pregnant and if you have an irregular period (like I was having) it can be even tougher. 

My husband and I were in no hurry, but it still hurt to see that negative on a pregnancy test. So as you can imagine, when my husband demanded I took a pregnancy test before we left for vacation (Walt Disney World and I'm an adrenaline junkie... you get the drift!), I did it begrudgingly.

I went to the pharmacy and bought the test. Then I had lunch. Then I ran some errands. Then I visited my grandparents and THEN I took the test. I did everything the little instructions said and placed it on a flat surface and went about my business. About five minutes later I came back. And there it was... the elusive second line was clearly in place. According to the test I was pregnant. I called my husband feeling both happy and terrified at the same time. What if it was a false positive? He wouldn't have any of it, and made me go get a blood test STAT. Which I did. And it was POSITIVE.

At this point I allowed myself to start dreaming. I told my grandparents, my sister, my mom, my dad... everyone! In retrospect maybe I should have waited, it was only my fifth week and things can go wrong. Thankfully nothing has so far and people have been SO supportive of me, my husband, my puppy (she's my angel!) and my baby that I can't regret telling everyone so early! I wouldn't miss this for the world!

So I take it one week at the time. At week six I saw my baby for the first time: he was just a little dot on a black thing that I knew was the sac. The doctor pointed to a tiny, flickering dot and told me, sounding just a little surprised: "His heart is beating already, and its visible!" So thus far my baby was fine.

At nine weeks I went back to the doctor (he wanted to see me as soon as I came back from vacation to make sure everything was in apple pie order... apple pie... ugh!). I was shocked to see how big the baby was in comparison to three weeks earlier. Once again, we saw his heart beating and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

At week thirteen we went back (once a month, the doctor told me) and I haven't gained a pound (which doesn't make the doctor concerned but doesn't make him happy either, he hopes I'm eating as much as I should, which I am). The baby was kicking and punching around and his heart was beating beautifully. I could see his spinal cord and his limbs clearly. I've been feeling little fluttering since week ten so I was happy to see him move around so much: vindication! I'd been right: the little guy likes to MOVE!

After Christmas, the doctor told me to visit his other office, which has a much more modern equipment. He wanted to see the baby more clearly, to make sure he's developing correctly. At seventeen weeks, he said, his little parts should be visible. 

I have never seen something more beautiful. His heart, his ribs, his spinal cord, arms, legs, placenta, umbilical cord AND his little boy part was showing! He moved around like it was no one's business. At first he was laying upside down, then in the middle of the sonogram he flipped right side up. The doctor switched the machine to 3D and I saw his little body and tiny features with amazing detail. To our amazement, he lifted his little face and for a moment it looked like he smirked before turning around and giving us his back! It was kind of like: "enough pics for one day! Thanks for watching!" My husband (who has been with me to EVERY appointment), the doctor and I burst out laughing! That's my baby!

Now, as I write this, he is moving up a storm. And he moves even more when I speak to him. I can feel him more every day and now my husband can feel him too when he touches my bare tummy. We look at each other in amazement. God is so amazing to create life in such a way! Even my Yorkie seems to know something is different. She lies down on my tummy and presses her ear against my skin and then gives me the funniest look when the baby kicks. It's definitely no longer me living in this body: I have a beautiful, special little resident in here with quite a bit of personality and a lot of energy!

So... how does it feel to be pregnant?

1. I haven't thrown up. Not even once. The doctor said I've been lucky and I know I have!

2. At first I was excited, then scared, then terrified, then extremely excited again, then wary and desperate to know my baby was doing alright... There is no way to explain how strange this has been for me and my husband. We want this baby so much! We experience every day to the fullest, marveling at the tiniest things... the baby moving, my dizziness sometimes, how my body is changing, how many times I visit the ladies room... We are no longer four living in this house (God, my husband, my puppy, and me), our baby is very real and very much a part of our lives.

3. Strangely enough... being pregnant feels... Natural. It feels different to have a little body inside your own, of course, but natural at the same time. Your body knows what its doing, its not something you have to really think about. If you eat a lot you put on a lot of pounds but your body tells you exactly what amount, when to eat and even what to eat. You just have to listen to it. Thus far I eat almost exactly the same way I did before, and my doctor says it fine because although I have a baby, the baby is extremely small and doesn't need me to eat an extra piece of chicken, another piece of pie or another spoonful of rice just yet. There will be a time in which I'll get hungrier, but it doesn't mean its a free for all: pregnancy is not a free ticket to eat EVERYTHING you want. Not everything you WANT to eat is what you SHOULD. And I'm well aware of that. My craving? Chicken somedays, homemade hamburgers the other, broccoli one day, soup another. The least healthy craving? Chocolate. But I deal with it drinking a glass of chocolate milk once a day (low fat, low sugar chocolate, of course!).

I feel very lucky, and very blessed, and extremely happy. Life is not any easier, and I know it will get more complicated as time goes by. But for now I'm enjoying my baby one day... one week at a time.

Join me,

Mariel