Just like that, I was pregnant no more...

I was swimming in my parent's pool at 9:30pm on Father's Day, which this year was June 19th, 2011. I had experienced Braxton Hicks contractions all day, so they weren't painful or even particularly noticeable. In fact, the time that I was swimming in the pool I didn't feel any contractions at all. My husband wanted me to enjoy this day as much as possible, and also to get as much exercise as I could so I would dilate more effectively. After all, on Monday I would get a final check up with my OB-GYN and then labor would be induced. 

So I happily enjoyed my day and my swim, thinking that the next day I would be pregnant no longer, and my baby Julian would be in my arms.

At 10:30pm we were still all laughing and having a good time. I stood up to get ready to leave and I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. I felt myself go pale, then slowly I uttered: "I think I don't feel very good. I want to go home and rest..."

Everyone stopped talking and fixed their eyes on me. They would later tell me my expression was completely different to my usual smile, and that all the color had left my face. It was weird enough that I had complained that I wasn't feeling well, especially when I'd been so active and happy during my entire pregnancy, but my facial expression gave away exactly how much pain I had experienced.

My cousin Hiram took everything from my arms and walked me to my car, with my husband following close behind. My husband asked me what I was feeling... the only way I can describe it is a sharp pain in my lower back, and an overwhelming desire to go to the bathroom. Colorful, I know, but that is how I felt. He asked me why I hadn't tried to go to the bathroom at my parent's place. I couldn't answer then, because another deep, sharp pain attacked my lower back. I took deep breaths and replied: "because I didn't feel like going to the bathroom THEN, I feel like going to the bathroom NOW!" He smiled and continued driving. Luckily, we live close to my parents place.

Once home, I put everything away in its place and climbed upstairs to take a shower. During the shower, the pains started getting worse, and there was less and less time in between. My husband helped me dry myself and get dressed and I called my doctor. The contractions were less than two minutes apart and incredibly painful, but he still told me it could take hours until I was ready to have my baby and that it was better for me to wait at home. I called my mom (who is also a doctor) and she told me the same thing. So I laid on my left side and braced myself for a long, sleepless night. My husband fell asleep quickly, not before telling me to wake him if I needed him. It was already 11:15pm. 

Suddenly, I felt amazingly, indescribably bad. I quickly woke my husband and cried: "I need to get up and go to the bathroom now!" He got up and helped me. I hadn't put on underwear for some reason and it turned out to be a good thing, because once I was on my feet, a bloody thing came out of me and a gush of blood ran down my legs. My husband looked horrified for all of five seconds and then whirred into action. He helped me go to the bathroom and cleaned me up. Then he asked me: "What do you want to do?!" At this point, I was lying on my side in bed once again, a very painful contraction came then and, amazingly, my body PUSHED on its own. I looked at him, frightened, and said: "I want to go to the hospital. I don't care if I have to wait for hours to deliver my baby! I'd rather be there, safe, than here wondering what'll happen!"

So out we went. He called my parents and they said they'd be right behind us. He called my doctor, who said the Hospital would call him (he later said he told my husband to call him later) when we got there. 

I'm not sure what happened on the drive there, but I found it mercifully fast. Now the contractions were every minute to 30 seconds, very very painful, and every two contractions my body would push on its own. My husband kept telling me things I can't really recall. I was there, but at the same time I wasn't. It was as if I was asleep in a way... I could barely open my eyes. I was bathed in sweat, even though I was cold, and all I could think about was my baby. Was he safe? Was he ok?

We made it to the Emergency Room and the idiot they have outside told my husband to get a wheelchair and wheel me in. Then he proceeded to walk away. My husband did just that, as I tried my best to climb down from our car and sit down on the wheelchair. Once inside the ER, he immediately drove me in, and one nurse asked: "Is it her turn?" I was completely shocked. Couldn't she see this was a REAL emergency?! I gasped: "I wasn't on the list! I just got here! I'm having my baby!" She gave me a condescending look and asked me: "Are you here because you have some pain?"

I gave her a withering look. "No. I'm here because I am already PUSHING!"

That got them moving. I answered all the questions they asked me the best way I could (gasping sometimes, whispering other times...) and they wheeled me to the OB-GYN room in the ER. My mom got there then and, although I love my husband and was glad to have him there, I was ECSTATIC that my mommy was there with me. The nurse connected me to the monitor (Julian's heartbeat sounded fine) and they could see clearly that the contractions were intense. At one point, mom said: "See? That contraction was softer than the others!" To which I replied: "OR SO YOU SAY!" My husband, my mom and the nurse burst out laughing. I couldn't really see the humor then, but I can kind of see it now... kinda! 

The ER doctor checked me out and declared that I was 6cm dilated. The nurse gave him a funny look behind his back. He said I would take hours to give birth and that it would be painful. I asked if they had epidural or something to which they all laughed and he said: "With much pain, you will deliver your baby." My mom told me he said that, I didn't hear him. If I had I probably would have insulted him for being so uncaring. He walked out and the nurse said: "He says it will take her hours, I think it will be a lot sooner. You are going to the Delivery Room right now!"

So they took me there. I was holding on to my mom the whole way, because my husband and my dad had to go deal with the hospital admission. I held on to her until they told me she couldn't go any further. I turned to her and said: "Mom, I love you... SO MUCH..." She smiled, kissed my forehead and assured me she loved me too. 

It was 1:00am. Once inside the Delivery Room, they asked me if I could stand up and take off my clothes so they could put that ugly thing you have to wear... I did stand up and I tried to be brave and strong. I didn't scream, I just grunted once in awhile when my body pushed. They kept asking me questions, which I answered but now I can't recall. One of them grabbed my arm to put in the IV, another grabbed my other arm to take a blood sample. They both told me to hold my breath as they prepared to pinch me with their needles. I didn't feel a thing... all I felt was the intense contractions breaking havoc in my body. I pushed again, this time deliberately. My cousin Grechi had told me that, unless the nurses said otherwise, pushing would make me feel better. And it did! 

One of the nurses pursed her lips and asked the other: "Have you checked how far along is she? She's pushing already..."

They checked me and looked at one another. It was 1:15am. "She is fully dilated! Which idiot down there said she was only 6cm along?! Did you call the doctor?"

I assumed they meant MY doctor, but they called the OB-GYN that was due to work the ER that night, which was not the same idiot downstairs (thank GOD!) 

A long contraction came and I pushed once again. My water broke at 1:20am. A nurse said: "There's meconium in the water..."

My heart sank. I knew exactly what that meant, but I asked anyways. She explained that meconium is the baby's first discharge. I know that if the baby breathes meconium, it could harm his lungs, other organs or even his blood. But I didn't have time to dwell on it: I asked if my husband could come in. At that moment the doctor came in and allowed my husband to come in as well. 

The doctor explained to me how I was supposed to push and when. He assured me: "Three pushes and it will all be over!"

I nodded. All of a sudden he got very serious and said: "Nurse, could you please get a gauze?" She did. He said: "Would you scratch my nose for me?" 

My husband snorted. 

"Isn't it something that once you get ready and all THEN you get the itch? I mean really..." the doctor continued talking.

I knew there was something really funny about the whole situation. I told myself to remember to laugh later.

The first contraction came, and I pushed. The doctor told me I'd done great, and that he was almost there. My husband looked down and then up at me again. He smiled and held my hand and told me how brave I was. 

The second contraction came, and I pushed hard. I felt something down there tear and I cried out in pain and shock. The nurse told me not to scream, because I could hurt my throat. The doctor said the baby was almost there and my husband, after having looked down himself, told me not to stop, that the baby really WAS almost there.

The third contraction came and with a final push the monitors went silent. My baby gurgled, then cried.

Just like that, my pregnancy was over.

To be continued...

M.

Baby Showers and Etiquette... Say WHAT?!

24 weeks and counting! 

Things are getting pretty exciting! My baby (tentatively named Julian, unless someone comes up with a better name, which I doubt) is pretty lively (except today, it seems yesterday he got a little carried away with the kicking and today he's been pretty mellow... don't like that!) and growing up well, thank God.

Of course, with time going by so quickly my husband and I started thinking about Baby Showers. Now, I've never had a baby before, and I've never really paid attention to who throws the shower. One of my friends, Jenn and I went out to celebrate her birthday and she told me that I was not supposed to throw my own shower. I am sure she laughed internally at my "huh?!" expression. She offered to do it for me (which I am super grateful for), but I told her I'd rather use her help setting up a list of items I'll need for Julian. But that conversation got me thinking: who is supposed to throw the baby shower?!

I logged on to BabyCenter and found this thread. As I sifted through some answers I came to realize how controversial this is in the United States and yet, not so much in Puerto Rico. You see, in Puerto Rico we don't really need an excuse to party so whenever we DO have an excuse we take it. It doesn't really matter to us WHO threw the party or whether or not we have to bring gifts as long as we get to eat, drink, dance and have a wonderful time. So it is not an issue of etiquette here. In the states, it sort of is. In fact, it is considered "tacky" to throw yourself a Baby Shower because, when it boils down to the nitty gritty, a Baby Shower is to get gifts for the baby.

Personally, I don't really understand what all the fuss is about. I am about to become a new parent (if all goes well), and I've brought countless presents for other friends for their Baby Showers and it has never crossed my mind that it is tacky that she is getting presents for her baby. Why would it be? Why should I think that a person is "thoughtless" for "bringing a baby into the world and expecting presents?". Maybe the truth is, I want to throw a Baby Shower but I don't care if I get all the presents on my list. And the only reason I am making a Baby Registry is because it made MY life so much easier when I had to buy presents for a Baby Shower and it came from a pre-chosen registry! Whether I get presents or not is completely irrelevant (although, who DOESN'T like a present?!), all I want is for people to come in and share this amazing life experience I am going through. 

I want people to love my baby now, before he is born, and that they will continue to love him forever. I want them to live this experience with me, to touch my belly, say a prayer and wish beautiful things for him. All I want is to be surrounded by friends and family that love us and are there with us always. Some of our friends have been with my husband and me during our courtship, they attended our wedding, they are with us during my pregnancy and I want them to experience my baby with me. Whoever throws the shower shouldn't really matter in the end.

So to make things simple, I am making it a cooperative event. 

What is that?

Simple. My mom is planning some things. My mother in law will be planning others. My sister in law will help with invites. I'm asking my friend Elaine with help with decorations (she is AMAZING!) and Jenn will come with me to help me with the Baby Registry and all those details I know nothing about. A lot of people will be helping in lots of different ways... and you know what? It sounds like a heck of a good time already!

Can't hardly wait for Julian to get here!

Mariel

Week 19 - Feeling Blessed

For the longest time I've wondered what it would feel like to be pregnant. 

Would I be sick often? Would I be overjoyed or scared? Would my family be happy? Will everyone love my baby? How does it feel to have a life forming inside of oneself?

A couple of months ago I started feeling a bit strange... craving apple pies (which I hated, and still do, actually) should have been an indicator that it wasn't just me inhabiting this body anymore. Still, I resisted to a pregnancy test. I've had a few pregnancy "scares" in the past year and every time the test came back negative I felt a bit of hope leaving me. I know having a baby is not as exact a science as some would think. It is really quite complicated: you have about TWO days in which you are at a prime to get pregnant. Your weight and stress levels have a lot to do with how quickly to get pregnant and if you have an irregular period (like I was having) it can be even tougher. 

My husband and I were in no hurry, but it still hurt to see that negative on a pregnancy test. So as you can imagine, when my husband demanded I took a pregnancy test before we left for vacation (Walt Disney World and I'm an adrenaline junkie... you get the drift!), I did it begrudgingly.

I went to the pharmacy and bought the test. Then I had lunch. Then I ran some errands. Then I visited my grandparents and THEN I took the test. I did everything the little instructions said and placed it on a flat surface and went about my business. About five minutes later I came back. And there it was... the elusive second line was clearly in place. According to the test I was pregnant. I called my husband feeling both happy and terrified at the same time. What if it was a false positive? He wouldn't have any of it, and made me go get a blood test STAT. Which I did. And it was POSITIVE.

At this point I allowed myself to start dreaming. I told my grandparents, my sister, my mom, my dad... everyone! In retrospect maybe I should have waited, it was only my fifth week and things can go wrong. Thankfully nothing has so far and people have been SO supportive of me, my husband, my puppy (she's my angel!) and my baby that I can't regret telling everyone so early! I wouldn't miss this for the world!

So I take it one week at the time. At week six I saw my baby for the first time: he was just a little dot on a black thing that I knew was the sac. The doctor pointed to a tiny, flickering dot and told me, sounding just a little surprised: "His heart is beating already, and its visible!" So thus far my baby was fine.

At nine weeks I went back to the doctor (he wanted to see me as soon as I came back from vacation to make sure everything was in apple pie order... apple pie... ugh!). I was shocked to see how big the baby was in comparison to three weeks earlier. Once again, we saw his heart beating and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

At week thirteen we went back (once a month, the doctor told me) and I haven't gained a pound (which doesn't make the doctor concerned but doesn't make him happy either, he hopes I'm eating as much as I should, which I am). The baby was kicking and punching around and his heart was beating beautifully. I could see his spinal cord and his limbs clearly. I've been feeling little fluttering since week ten so I was happy to see him move around so much: vindication! I'd been right: the little guy likes to MOVE!

After Christmas, the doctor told me to visit his other office, which has a much more modern equipment. He wanted to see the baby more clearly, to make sure he's developing correctly. At seventeen weeks, he said, his little parts should be visible. 

I have never seen something more beautiful. His heart, his ribs, his spinal cord, arms, legs, placenta, umbilical cord AND his little boy part was showing! He moved around like it was no one's business. At first he was laying upside down, then in the middle of the sonogram he flipped right side up. The doctor switched the machine to 3D and I saw his little body and tiny features with amazing detail. To our amazement, he lifted his little face and for a moment it looked like he smirked before turning around and giving us his back! It was kind of like: "enough pics for one day! Thanks for watching!" My husband (who has been with me to EVERY appointment), the doctor and I burst out laughing! That's my baby!

Now, as I write this, he is moving up a storm. And he moves even more when I speak to him. I can feel him more every day and now my husband can feel him too when he touches my bare tummy. We look at each other in amazement. God is so amazing to create life in such a way! Even my Yorkie seems to know something is different. She lies down on my tummy and presses her ear against my skin and then gives me the funniest look when the baby kicks. It's definitely no longer me living in this body: I have a beautiful, special little resident in here with quite a bit of personality and a lot of energy!

So... how does it feel to be pregnant?

1. I haven't thrown up. Not even once. The doctor said I've been lucky and I know I have!

2. At first I was excited, then scared, then terrified, then extremely excited again, then wary and desperate to know my baby was doing alright... There is no way to explain how strange this has been for me and my husband. We want this baby so much! We experience every day to the fullest, marveling at the tiniest things... the baby moving, my dizziness sometimes, how my body is changing, how many times I visit the ladies room... We are no longer four living in this house (God, my husband, my puppy, and me), our baby is very real and very much a part of our lives.

3. Strangely enough... being pregnant feels... Natural. It feels different to have a little body inside your own, of course, but natural at the same time. Your body knows what its doing, its not something you have to really think about. If you eat a lot you put on a lot of pounds but your body tells you exactly what amount, when to eat and even what to eat. You just have to listen to it. Thus far I eat almost exactly the same way I did before, and my doctor says it fine because although I have a baby, the baby is extremely small and doesn't need me to eat an extra piece of chicken, another piece of pie or another spoonful of rice just yet. There will be a time in which I'll get hungrier, but it doesn't mean its a free for all: pregnancy is not a free ticket to eat EVERYTHING you want. Not everything you WANT to eat is what you SHOULD. And I'm well aware of that. My craving? Chicken somedays, homemade hamburgers the other, broccoli one day, soup another. The least healthy craving? Chocolate. But I deal with it drinking a glass of chocolate milk once a day (low fat, low sugar chocolate, of course!).

I feel very lucky, and very blessed, and extremely happy. Life is not any easier, and I know it will get more complicated as time goes by. But for now I'm enjoying my baby one day... one week at a time.

Join me,

Mariel